Don't wanna lose one, i lose both, i lose then.(PART 4))

Part 4.

I haven’t told you that they watched a movie together and after that day I noticed that they’re holding hands every time they are together. That made me conclude that they are committed but I asked my best friend and answered me that there’s nothing happening between them. So I continued mingling with the girl. Although it hurts me every time I see them holding hands, I continue co-existing with them just to show I am not affected. Just to show I am over it.

This continued. It hurts me every time. Until the last week of November when the girl and I started to get closer and closer again. During those  times, we talked more often and spent more time together than they do. My best friend is so affected . I feel it.

On the afternoon of the first Friday of December, she started to move a little far from me. What came into my mind is that she’s came to realize that she is supposed to spend more time with my best friend since she’s committed to him. That was just my idea.

I planned to serenade her on our Christmas party on the 16^th  with the help of my friend Nelle.

December 15, the 18^th birthday of our classmate Cams. We went to Bulacan to celebrate her birthday. the girl will be late so I waited for her outside the house of Cams. I let my other classmates go to the resort where the ceremonials of her debut will be done. I waited for her for two hours. I also waited for my friend JayR.

JayR came and the girl followed. Then we went straight to the place. we changed our clothes and prepared ourselves. And the ceremonials started.

We were  together the whole night. We were happy, I believe. We walked around, talked and talked had fun. After the ceremonials, all us gathered in a circle and jammed. I sat beside the girl. I was trying to feel her. I want to grab her hand under the table as I feel her hand beside mine. But I think again. It’s not right (hindi naman kami eh). And what I know is that there’s something happening between her and my best friend because  often see them holding hands.

We were together until three. We tried to sleep but the room was crowded. We tried to swim but it was too cold. So we just walked around played on the swing in the playground of the resort. Picture taking and so on. I see me best friend so alone somewhere around.

Few minutes later we found our place in the room. I sat on the floor and she slept near me. I fell asleep for a few minutes and when I woke up, I didn’t see her. I hurriedly went out of the room barefooted. I found her talking to my best friend outside. I was shocked of what I saw. i thought she chose me and I feel it but I was wrong. i wanted cry my heart out but I can’t.

I was miserable. Told JayR about what happened and he’s a good friend, he listened to all my sentiments. I was crying.

After that, I decided to rehearse with Nelle. I will sing Is It Okay If I Call You Mine and Out of my League. Although I know that it’s all over, I continued with my plan promising that it will be the last from me. I’m giving up.

The sun came out. We go back to Cams house to sleep. But I can’t…

Few hour later some decided to go to school, and some went to the girl’s house to get the foods for our Christmas party, I went to school and tell some of my good friends, Boc and Tots, what happened to me. I rehearsed the song with tots’ guitar. Then jayR and I want to SM to buy the girl a gift. I bought a pillow for her.

Around 7pm, the party started. I went to the CR and rehearse my piece. The MC called my name, by then I knew it’s time. Everyone thought that it will only be an ordinary intermission number but when I started speaking, I believe I got everyone’s attention. I told them that it is my first time to sing  in front of such a crowd and my first time to play a guitar for an official performance.

I sang Is It Okay IF I Call You Mine, a question I really want to ask her. I wanted her to be mine. Unfortunately, it’s no longer possible because she has chosen a man to be with.

After that song, the intro of the song Out of My League played from the keyboard of my friend Nelle. I tell the girl all that I wanted to say, how she affected my life, how she changed it and how she can change it. I told her how much I love her. I gave her my gift. And that’s it. As if nothing happened. The night ended and with the night I stopped communicating with her. I didn’t text as I promised.

The whole week was so sad for me cause I may not text the girl I love although I can. My mind wanted to move on but my heart wanted to give it all.